


In a Little While

by SarahAnne10



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-27
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-06 12:00:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1857276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarahAnne10/pseuds/SarahAnne10
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She knew what she was getting into when she married him, but it still hurts every time she watches him go off to be someone else's hero.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He’s inside of her and all around her, she can feel his breathing hitch and hear him whisper “I love you” each time he sets her skin on fire with another kiss. He presses his forehead to hers and urges her to open his eyes. 

“I want to stay here forever,” he whispers and the tiniest tear slips from one of his hazel eyes and splashes on to her own cheeks. Her own tears don’t come until they are both spent and she is lying curled up in his arms. She knew what she signed on for when she said her vows and promised to stand by him for the rest of their lives. She knows who he is and why he does what he does. Knowing all of this though does not stop her heart from breaking every time they have to say goodbye, it doesn’t make up for the little panic attack she endures each time the phone rings and he isn’t by her side. 

He is running his fingertips lightly over the flesh of her arm, and pressing warm kisses to the back of her neck. “I’ll come back, Brienne. I always do.” Brienne turns in his arms to face him, runs her hands over his chiseled chest and smiles softly through her tears. 

“You better, or I’ll kill you myself.” Hyle chuckles quietly. 

“Brienne, that doesn’t even make-“ 

“Shut up, Hyle.” Brienne pushes him onto his back and kisses him with all the strength she has left. He kisses her back like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do in this life and they make love at least three more times before the sun comes up and she has to leave him at the airport to go off and be a hero in a war that doesn’t even make sense to her. 

Right here, now, in this bed as the sun rises and she is wrapped in his arms she can pretend that this is all they have to be, because it’s all that matters. It is everything. Eventually he starts to move and then the alarm goes off and she is thrust back into reality. 

They kiss one last time right before he walks away from her towards his gate and she watches him until he disappears. Then she heads back home, calling in sick to work on her way back to their too-tiny apartment. She throws off her work clothes and pulls on old shirt of his that is too big for her except for the shoulders, and then she crawls back into their bed and hugs his pillow tight as she falls asleep with tears slipping form her closed lids.


	2. Chapter 2

When Hyle was a young boy he watched his father tie up the laces of his boots, and then his father crouched down and hugged him tight to his chest. Hyle can still hear his voice whisper in his ear, “you’re the man of the house now, Hyle. Take care of your mom and little sister.” 

He can still recall every detail of that day, from the way his mother covered her hand over her mouth to quiet the sobs that started the moment his father let go of her, to the moment she swiped the tears that fell from his own eyes later that night as she tucked him into bed and told him not to worry, “daddy will be back before you know it.” 

Now, as he sits in the airplane with the rest of his delta force squad members- his brothers, really- he’s secretly thankful that the pregnancy test Brienne took last month was false. He knows she’s still upset about it and he is too. He’s upset every time she’s late and he watches her hopes rise, only to be dashed by a tiny little negative sign. The first few times she was resilient, but after months of trying he has watched her optimism wearing thin. Nothing kills him more than watching her beautiful blue eyes fill with tears each time she walks out of the bathroom and shakes her head at him. 

He wants kids with his wife. He wants them to be as honorable and strong as their mother, with her bright blue eyes and warm heart. He wants them to have her hair and his nose. He’s dreamt about them since the moment he feel in love with Brienne. For all that he wants to be able to give his wife what she desires, he cannot even begin to think of having left Brienne pregnant and alone. That thought alone terrifies him, makes him think that at some point he will have to put this life behind him in order to focus on the one person that means more to him than his job. 

He knows Brienne would never ask him to give up the Delta Force. It’s made him the man he is, the one who was able to gain Brienne’s forgiveness and love, though he thinks he could live a thousand different lives and still never come close to deserving either of them. He cannot do this job anymore though, not with Brienne and eventually their children waiting for him. He’s watched marriages crumble under the immeasurable weight of the stress caused by the army. The can beat all of that, he knows. 

Hyle makes a promise to himself and Brienne right then and there. He promises that when he gets back from this mission he will leave, he will put down his gun and kiss his wife like it’s the last time even though they will have at least fifty more years to drive each crazy. Both in and out of the bedroom. He’s not sure if it’s selfish to be leaving his brothers and county behind, or if he’s finally be selfless by putting Brienne and their future first. In the end he finds he doesn’t really care if it’s selfish, selfless, crazy, stupid, brave. All that matters is that he will never have to leave Brienne again, and he thinks that’s worth giving up a career and brotherhood he has made his life. 

Hyle smiles, leans his head back and tries to get a few hours of sleep before they land and the fight begins. For now he can warm and safe in the thoughts of Brienne and their warm bed. 

~~~ 

“What are you doing here?” Brienne is laying in bed, curled in the tight ball she fell asleep in, but her eyes are blinking, her mind still foggy from sleep. She blinks a few more times, but he is still there, solid and smiling. He lifts his eyebrow in confusion and rolls over on top of her. He doesn’t say anything, just continues to smile at her and starts to trail kisses down her neck… 

Brienne rolls over, her hand going immediately for the space beside her, the spot he is supposed to fill. She is expecting to find the warm chest of her husband and curl into his side. Instead, she finds a cold pillow and an open spot in a bed too big for one person. She rolls over anyway and runs her hand over the vacant pillow. 

She hates these early days the most. It will be another three or four before she finally remembers that he isn’t there and to not reach out for him. Until then, she has to wake each morning to the harsh reality that he is not there and it feels like saying goodbye to him all over again. 

Brienne lets a few tears escape, but only allows herself to wallow for a few minutes before she gets up and gets ready for the day. She can’t blow off work two days in a row, there’s probably a mountain of paperwork waiting for her as it is. She swipes at the tears and takes in a deep breath before she throws the covers off and heads off to the bathroom. A nice hot shower always makes things seem much better. 

She’s out the door tear free and just in time to grab coffee with Jaime. 

~~~ 

They’ve only been on the ground for a day and already it’s worse than they thought. They have a duty, he knows, they all know it. It doesn’t stop them from seeing the thousands of displaced children along the way and the utter despair this war has caused to what Hyle thinks was once a beautiful country and culture. 

They are out of the can in less than a second when the raid begins, and he sees the grenade before Ace does. It takes him two seconds to push Ace out of the grenade’s way, but Hyle isn’t that lucky. As he drifts into the darkness he thinks that his greatest regret will be that in that moment he wasn’t thinking of Brienne or his promise. He pushed Ace out of the way because it was his duty, he took the hit because Ace is his brother. Hyle has never hated himself more as he feels himself drift in the darkness.


	3. Chapter 3

“You need a break.” Jaime looks down at Brienne from his position leaning against the doorway of her office, arms crossed, and smiling down at her to mask the worry that has prompted his visit. It’s been three days since Hyle left and Brienne has only left her apartment to go to work, and at work she doesn’t even come out of her office. It’s driving Jaime insane. 

Other than his little brother, Brienne is his only friend and it sucks to be the one who is left to pick up the pieces ever time Hyle leaves. Jaime thinks he wouldn’t mind it as much if he wasn’t ass-backward in love with his best friend, but he tries not think about that particular part of the equation. 

When he does linger on that thought, however rare and briefly, he remembers that he’s the reason they aren’t what he believes they should be. He can’t even properly hate the man who won because, even after everything Brienne told him about her and Hyle’s past, he’s actually a pretty good guy. Actually, Jaime is pretty certain that Hyle is twice the man he’ll ever be. But, he thinks as he looks down at Brienne staring up at him from her desk, at least I’m the one who always stays. Take that Hyle Hunt. 

“I’m fine.” Brienne looks back down at the case she is studying. 

“You work too much. Don’t you ever get hungry? Tired?” 

“Yes, I’m tired of you bothering me. Now, go away, Lannister.” Brienne doesn’t look away from her files, but he can see her mouth tug into a small smile as she tries to shoo him away. He smiles too, feeling proud that she had graced him with her first smile since Hyle left, even if it had been mostly hidden. 

“Let’s go get lunch, Brienne. You have to eat some time.” 

“Jaime….” She trails off as she finally lifts her head to look at him. He thinks she’s going to try to talk her way out of having to leave her office, but finally she sighs and agrees to a quick lunch with him. He feels his smile widen of its own accord at being able to spend time with her. Even if it was just a short lunch at the deli across the street. 

~~ 

Brienne takes a much longer lunch with Jaime than she intended. She doesn’t really care though. They aren’t best friends anymore, not like they used to be. Marriage has a way of changing and redefining all the relationships around you. She hadn’t meant for her relationship with Jaime to change so drastically when she married Hyle. 

In fact, before she’d reconnected with Hyle, she was almost certain she and Jaime were on the verge of changing their relationship in a much different way. She had reconnected with Hyle though, and she had adjusted her relationship with Jaime accordingly. They were still good friends, still shared things with each other. Hyle is her best friend now, and the best friend she thinks she’s ever had. 

It’s still good to get out and have lunch with Jaime though, she’s missed him, even if he is an ass. This is why she’s a little bit late getting back to the office. He walks her back to her office, and he’s said something funny- if somewhat cruel-about his assistant and she starts to laugh, but then she catches sight of Margery standing outside her office, and she notices that the whole floor is oddly silent. She looks at Margery, puzzled at her disheveled appearance. Her cheeks are red and her hair looks as if she’s been dragging her hand through it like a mad woman, the way she does when she’s stressed. 

When Margery finally notices her just a few feet away, they lock eyes Brienne feels a shiver and goose bumps prickle at the flesh on the back of her neck. Margery frowns and Brienne watches a lone tear slide down Margery’s right check. 

“Brienne, there are…are two men from the army waiting inside your office.” Margery’s voice is so soft Brienne is so sure she’s heard her wrong. 

“Brienne?” Jaime is standing right beside her, his hand gently clutching her upper arm. He sounds so far away. Maybe that’s her though? She’s the one who has gone some where else. Anywhere but this suddenly stifling hot building. 

Brienne remembers the day she and Hyle sat down and planned out his will and all the things along with it. She still tastes the bile that rose when she had tried to imagine a day when he wouldn’t be there, a time when he would go out on a mission and not come back. 

Her ears start to buzz and she thinks that this must be a dream. She is sleeping and any moment she will wake up now. She will wake up, accidentally reach over for him and remember he is gone, but he is alive. He promised, so this can’t possibly be happening to her. This is not how this is supposed to end, not after everything they have gone through to be…them. 

Her mind is racing and blank all at the very same time and that's when she realizes this must a dream. A very bad dream, but still a dream and so whatever the two officers behind that door tell her, it doesn’t matter because none of this is real. 

“Brienne!’ Margery’s voice is suddenly so loud in this dream and the weight on her arm is shaking her. Margery’s face come back in to focus and her lips are moving and Brienne realizes this isn’t a dream. This is her greatest fear come to life. 

“Brie, sweetie, you have to go into the office.” Why? So some officers who never even met her husband can tell her that he’s dead? She’d rather stand in this exact spot until she rots just to avoid opening that door. 

“Right, of course.” She doesn’t move, just continues to stare at the door behind Margery. 

“Do you want us to go in with you?” Jaime’s voice is gentle, so gentle in fact she hardly recognizes it as his. She looks over at him and nods. She clears her throat and speaks. 

“Could you…could uh, one of you open the door too?” She laughs a little bit at herself. “I uh, I can’t seem to move.” Jaime is the one who pushes the door open, never letting go of her arm. Then, with the help of Jaime and Margery, Brienne is able to put one foot in front of the other and walk toward the officers and whatever fate they bring with them.


	4. Chapter 4

May 2012

“What are you doing?” Brienne is sitting in the middle of their bed, legs crossed, eyes closed, and hands resting on her knees. She opens one eye slightly and peeks over at her husband. Hyle is leaning against the door frame, arms crossed, and looking down at her and caught halfway between smiling and trying to decide if she’s gone mental. 

“I’m meditating.” Brienne closes her eyes again and takes in a deep breath and focuses on clearing her mind again. 

“And why exactly are you meditating?” Hyle asks slowly and she knows he thinks he’s fooling her, but she can hear the snicker in his voice. She scrunches her nose in frustration, trying to concentrate on her breathing and focus all of her attention on her eggs. 

“I read in this fertility book that meditation can help in conceiving. Something about relieving stress from the body and focusing positive energy on the eggs and-” She is cut short in her explanation when she hears Hyle laughing. Brienne pops both of her eyes open and looks over at her husband who is now shuddering with laughter. She reaches behind her and picks up the first pillow her hand finds and hurls it the short distance across the room. 

“This isn’t funny, Hyle. I’m serious!” Hyle throws the pillow softly back at her and smiles. 

“Trust me babe, I know just how serious you are, it’s what makes this so funny.” He sits down on the bed, his back facing her, and takes off his boots. “But, there’s only one way I know of to make a baby, and it doesn’t involve mediating.” He turns around and gently tackles her to the mattress and running his hands lightly over the sensitive skin at her sides. 

“Hyle! Stop! You’re all sweaty and disgusting!’ Brienne spits out the words between her firs of laughter as Hyle continues to assault her, lifting up her shirt to reach more skin. Suddenly he stops and kisses her instead. The laughter is gone, but she still smiles up at him. 

“Do you want a baby with me?” Hyle smiles down at her. He places his temple against hers and looks straight into her eyes with those bright hazel ones that make her go weak in the knees and answers, 

“I want everything with you, Brie.” 

~~~ 

Later that night, after they have exhausted themselves and Brienne has insisted they sleep, otherwise she’s sure she won’t even be able to stand in the morning, Hyle is staring up at the ceiling, tracing the cracks with eyes. Brienne is fast asleep, her head pillowed on his chest and he’s absently running his hand through her hair and wishing they could stay like this forever. He wants to stay locked away in this little world they have created for themselves. They could live in this apartment forever, making love every day as the sunrises on the world outside, teasing each other and driving each other nuts, and just being in love. 

It can’t be like that though, their life is always going to be made up of a series of goodbyes. He’s not sure he would trade it for anything better though. These moments right here, these times when everything is right and it just…things just make sense, these are the ones he’s fighting for when he says goodbye and walks out that door. Not just so he and Brienne can continue to have these moments, but so couples all over the realm can have moments exactly like this one. 

He hopes that Brienne understands this, that she knows why he continues to fight. He never understood it himself as a child. When those soldiers had walked up to their door and told his mother that his father had been killed in the line of duty he had been so angry for so long. He didn’t know why his father had left his family behind to be a hero for somebody else. It isn’t until you are standing there with your brothers in arms, Hyle thinks, that the sense of duty and honor begins to make sense. He’s absolutely certain that his father felt the same way about his own team, somewhere along the line those men become more than just comrades, they are your family. It’s about the duty and honor to country, and to family. 

This is not the only thing he needs her to know, though. More than anything, Hyle needs his wife to know how much he loves her, because he really loves the fucking hell out of this woman sleeping in his chest. He doesn’t deserve her love, those smiles she reserves especially for him, or the way she looks at him with such adoration and respect. He was a monster to her in high school and yet here they are, years later, and…. 

Hyle shifts Brienne smoothly so he can slip out from underneath her. He grabs a notebook and pencil from her bedside table and heads for the kitchen table, making sure to shut the bedroom door quietly on his way out. 

Sitting down at the table and picking up the pencil Hyle writes down exactly what he needs Brienne to know just in case…in case one of these times they can no longer have moments like these. He starts with the sense of honor. He writes down his thousandth apology for his actions in high school, and he ends with how much he loves her. He needs her to know that most of all because he thinks that his duty may overshadow that fact sometimes, and he’s terrified that one of these days he won’t be able to say it to her, and she needs to know, every day just how much he adores her. 

When he’s done, he puts the pages into an envelope and slides it into his duffle, hoping to give it to one of his team members to give to Brienne if anything should ever happen to him. He slides back into bed and tries not to blink. If he blinks the moment will be gone and they’ll be saying goodbye again.


	5. Chapter 5

“This flag is presented on behalf of a grateful nation and the Westeros Army as a token of appreciation for your loved one’s honorable and faithful service. You have my deepest condolence Mrs. Hunt.” Brienne stares at the officer in front of her. She knows this man, Barristan Selmy, Hyle’s chief and fellow officer. She is looking at him though and she can see no trace of emotion in this man’s face. He hands her a flag wrapped neatly into a small triangle and turns back to give a signal. 

At the first firing of the 21 gun salute Brienne’s heart leaps and her body jumps in her neatly ironed black dress. The one that she hates because it clings in all the wrong places and it gets itchy at the neckline when she’s had it on too long. The pressure of Margery’s hand on hers causes her to look over at the girl sitting on her right. Just over Margery’s shoulder is the rest of Hyle’s unit, the men he died to protect. They look just as stoic and hard as their chief, but on the very edge she catches sight of one of the newest members, Podrick Payne. His head is held just as high as the rest, but she can still spot the tell-tale signs of tears. 

She focuses back on Margery just as the guns finish firing for the second time and something inside breaks. It’s probably her heart. She had been calm when she walked into her office to meet the soldier and the Septon who told her that her husband had been killed in action after throwing himself on a grenade. She hadn’t been calm at first, but with Margery and Jaime by her side she had taken the news without screaming and crying. She had simply nodded as the officers continued to spew on and on. 

Sitting here in this cemetery, with the bright sun glaring down on her and the guns going off…it’s real. Hyle is really dead and Brienne is utterly unprepared for this reality. She’s been a military wife for years, and she’s watched him walk out their front door and onto the battlefield dozens of times, but never once has she actually tried to prepare herself for this. 

Once the lonely trumpet finishes playing and all of Hyle’s former unit members have pressed their Delta Force pins into the casket, Brienne stands up, telling Margery that she is fine. The sun is glaring off of the polished wood of the casket so brightly that Brienne has to hold her hand above her eyes to see. She hasn’t cried. She’s made all the arrangements for the funeral, slept on the couch for a week, and was there to identify Hyle’s Body, but she hasn’t cried. 

Now, she touches her fingertips to her mouth and presses them to the casket, and hopes she can keep it together long enough to make it to Jaime’s car. Looking down at the casket she tries to think of something to say. She settles for whispering that she will always love him, but there are decade’s worth of unsaid words between them and her simple goodbye doesn’t sound quite right. She turns away before she really loses it, though. Jaime and Margery both lead her back to the car, and she sits silently in the front seat all the way back home where she plans to…to just forget, because what the hell is she supposed to do now? 

~~~ 

Ace can feel the weight of the letter Hyle had entrusted to him. It’s safely tucked away in his pocket, burning a hole through him. Actually, it’s more likely that burning sensation in his chest is the grief and guilt he feels at the loss of one of his best friends, one of his brothers. He should have seen that grenade, he is the one who should be lying in that casket right now. If he’d just seen that fucking grenade! 

Hyle jumped into action he was pushing him and Pod out of the way and on top of the grenade so fast that Ace didn’t even have time to react before the grenade exploded and Hyle’s body absorbed it. They were service men, they were trained to act quickly and have each other’s backs. Hyle had done exactly what Ace would have done, what they were both trained and prepared to do, sacrifice everything. 

That Hyle had only been doing his job doesn’t make Ace feel less guilty. Especially now, watching Brienne walk away with her friends. He had been close with Hyle and later on Brienne. He had seen their relationship up close, the good and the bad. The good always won out, and Ace still hopes for a love like that. Brienne may not count herself as lucky right now, but he hopes that one day she will be thankful to have had such a love, even for such a short of time. 

He has to talk to her eventually, the letter is beginning to burn hotter and hotter. But he can’t talk to her right now, can’t even look at her without crumbling beneath the weight of his guilt. Maybe he should just mail the letter? Yeah, and then maybe he should leave the Special Forces and take up knitting! He’s a fucking Frogman and Hyle trusted this letter with him. He watched his best friend sacrifice himself, the least he can do is face Brienne and hand over Hyle’s letter in person. By the time he gathers his courage and looks up to find her again, she and her friends are gone. Maybe today isn’t the time to give it to her anyway. 

~~~ 

“Why are you crying?” Hyle is leaning on the pillow beside her, looking down at her with his bright hazel eyes and suddenly Brienne can’t remember why she’s been crying. She feels as if she’s been in a fog for days and her head is throbbing. The ache in her heart has left her tired in more ways than one, and she can’t remember the last time she ate or drank anything. She racks her brain, but she cannot remember why she is feeling so lost. 

“I…I can’t remember I think I lost…” She closes her eye and tries to remember. 

“What did you lose, Brie?” She opens her eyes in a flash at eh sound of his voice, expecting to find him staring at her with an expectant look and a little bit of hunger in his eyes. He’s looking at his outstretched hand though, and she follow his gaze and she remembers what she forgot. 

Where Hyle’s hand is attempting to play with the ends of the blond hair that tickle as they fall over her shoulder, his fingers slip right through the strands. Brienne tries to grasp his hand in hers, itching to feel the rough callouses built up from years spent in the army. Her hand falls right through his, and by the time her tear filled eyes lift to his, he has already vanished. “You.” She whispers into the suddenly very cold and overly large bedroom she used to share with her husband. “I lost you.”


	6. Chapter 6

He remembers the grenade going off, his mind conjuring up one last picture of Brienne, and then darkness. Then all of a sudden he is back home in King’s Landing, in that tiny little apartment, lying in bed with Brienne. Hyle still doesn’t know how he got here, but he really doesn’t care about that part, he just enjoys the feeling of being home, being close to his wife.

The memories come back the second he tries to comb his fingers through her messy, matted, beautiful hair though. He hadn’t even realized that he couldn’t really feel her warmth until his fingers had gone straight through the strands as if she had just been a dream. Then there’s the darkness again and he’s gone.

The second time it happens he isn’t sure how much time has passed, but she is curled up on the couch, wearing that ratty old t-shirt of his that she loved so much. He’d laughed when she’d claimed it as hers while they were dating, wondering what she’d want with a silly old army t-shirt. Seeing her in that shirt though, skimming the very top of her thighs as she attempted to flip pancakes on Saturday mornings was a memory that got him through those missions that seemed unending. The sight of her in it now, rumpled and tear stained, causes an ache in his chest, one that spreads and causes his stomach to turn when he remembers he’s the reason.

He doesn’t even say her name this time, just closes his eyes and wills himself back into the darkness where there is nothing, where he doesn’t have to look at his wife curled up and…shattered because he made a decision to send his brothers back to heir families instead of coming back to her. Brienne’s mouth twitches so lightly when he begins to fade away that he almost misses the little tilt upward as he goes back completely.

~~~

_“You have to do it fast, like this.” Hyle wraps his arms around her, and then covers the hand that is holding the spatula with his own. Then he guides it gently and flips the pancake over perfectly, not disturbing the others and certainly not hanging slightly over the edge of the skillet as Brienne’s tend to do._

_“It’s all in the wrist movement babe.” Then, he guides her hand to the next one and Brienne chuckles as his free hand starts to rub little circles on her hip._

_“Okay, I think I got it.” Hyle’s hand leaves the spatula and finds its way to her other hip._

_“The last one’s all yours.” He dips his mouth to her neck and begins to nibble. Brienne shoos him away though._

_“You’re too much of a distraction, go find some plates or something.” Hyle throws his hands up in surrender and does as he’s told. She knows he spots the half flipped pancake right away, but he doesn’t say a word. He just replaces his hands on her hips as she scoops the pancakes off the skillet and onto the plates. He kisses her cheek and grabs the plate with the deformed pancake on top and heads back to the bedroom. Brienne smiles as she grabs the syrup and follows him._

She wakes up before she makes it to the bedroom. There’s a movement she catches out of the corner of her eye, but as she rubs away the tears that have formed in her dreams she finds herself alone. She sighs and pulls a blanket around her shoulders as she stretches out on the couch. Brienne slips back into sleep easily, even with the bright afternoon sun filtering in through the blinds.

She doesn’t sleep in the bed anymore, not since that night she woke up to find Hyle in that bed. That was three nights ago, and she still hasn’t told anyone. Not that she really could even she wanted to, she’s not even sure what to make of it. She had believed it to be a dream at first, but the tears she had wiped away from her eyes after he had vanished were all too real. She knows the world isn’t fair, she’s used to that. But for it to be this cruel, to take her husband and then taunt her with his ghost, it’s beyond her comprehension.

~~~

“I don’t think you going over there is such a great idea, Jaime.” Margery is standing in front of Jaime’s desk, leaning on the chair in front of her. She’s been trying to talk Jaime out of taking a sick day in order to check up on Brienne for the past ten minutes. Jaime is stubborn though, and Margery can feel the hint of a headache starting to form.

“Someone has to, Margery. No one has seen or heard from her in three days.” Margery kneads the spot just above her right eyebrow, trying to ease the throb that has started to grow. He’s right, of course. Margery has been kicking herself since she walked out of Brienne’s apartment and heard the lock click into place behind her. Brienne had insisted she needed to be alone, and Margery had foolishly listened. Now, days later, Brienne has yet to text her back, or reply to any of the hundred voicemails she knows Jaime has undoubtedly left.

Margery tries a different approach to stop Jaime from marching over to Brienne’s apartment and kicking in the door. “She needs a friend right now, Jaime.”

“I _am_ her friend, Margery.” Her eyes soften at the desperation that has Jaime’s green eyes pleading with her. She knows Brienne can’t see what she is to him, but Margery can, and the truth is that he’s no good for Brienne right now.

“No, you’re not.” Jaime stiffens and narrows his eyes at her, but before he can open his mouth to yell, threaten, or tell her to go to the seven hells, she straightens up and continues in a more concrete tone. “Jaime I can’t force you to stay in the office, or forbid you to see her, but just…just are you really the best person to be consoling her right now? This isn’t some tough break-up that can be fixed in a few weeks. She isn’t going to go running into your arms when this is all over!”

She feels as if she’s pleading with him by the end of her little speech. It had sounded a bit harsh, but judging by his mouth, which is hanging open slightly, and his bulging eyes, she thinks she thinks she may have gotten through to him on some level. She asks him to think about it once more, though in a much softer tone, and leaves him gaping after her.


	7. Chapter 7

Here is what Hyle thinks about when he sees Brienne next: Moments. The ones where in that exact instant of time, you know when something has changed in you ways that you didn’t even know were possible. The ones that rock you world down to your very depths and nothing is ever the same. Here is Hyle’s biggest moment, the one he loves to live over and over again:

_The first time he sees Brienne since high school is at a dinner with her father. He’s been having Saturday night dinner’s with Selwyn Tarth on a regular basis for some time now, ever since he got back from his first tour and his mother passed away just weeks later. He’s not sure why the General took such a liking to him, but he had, and so the tradition began._

_Hyle is just walking out to the patio to find Selwyn. Instead, he finds Brienne. Her back is facing him, looking out at the sea. In a second he goes through multiple excuses in his head that could potentially get him out of this dinner. The truth of the matter is that He was an ass to Brienne in high school and he’s kinda fond of this new tradition with her father, he really doesn’t want his past to screw that up._

_He’s too slow, and she’s turning around before he knows it and he thinks he might understand love at first sight now. It’s not really first sight, and it probably isn’t love, at least not the love that will later consume them both. It sure as hell is something though. The second she gives him a tight smile that doesn’t match the rage in her eyes, he’s already hoping those brilliant blue saphires will soften for him._

_He remembers, down to the last hair out of place, the way she looked that night. Her blue eyes were so bright when she smiled at her father, and her cheeks got brighter and brighter the more glasses of wine she consumed. Her laughter was soft and musical when he was finally able to draw it out of her by doing or saying something completely stupid. If he had to choose a moment to live in over and over again, he thinks this just might be the one; the one that changed his entire life as he had known it before she came along._

_He doesn’t remember how he got her alone or the conversation they had. He remembers apologizing, he remembers apologizing a lot. He also remembers that she didn’t forgive him that night, or for a long time afterwards._

He replays moments like this over and over again. Not all of them feature Brienne. Some have his mother and sister in them. Like that time he was arrested for fighting and his mom looked at him like she’d never seen him before, almost like she had no idea who he was. The really great ones though, the ones he tries to live in and never let go, those are all his wife.

Some of them are things that never really happened, like that fantasy they dreamed up, living in a great big house that sits on the edge of a cliff in Tarth. Brienne’s holding a little girl in her arms, looking out a big window into the front yard where two little boys are playing with a golden retriever puppy. He wants to wake up back in their little apartment, and tell her all about it. Instead, he closes his eyes tightly and wills himself back into that darkness before she can wake up.

~~~

“Brie, sweetie.” The gentle shaking and Margery’s soft voice bring Brienne out of a dream that she wishes she never had to leave. She can’t remember the details, in fact she’s not even sure there are any other details other than the fact that she was with her husband and he was alive. She rolls away from the back of the couch and faces Margery, who is kneeling beside her with that look on her face. Brienne hates that look. That sad, concerned smile makes this real.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Brienne raises her eyebrows in surprise that Margery of all people would actually ask her that. Margery’s sad smile turns sheepish and she apologizes quickly. “Brienne, when was the last time you ate something? Or even had a descent night’s sleep in your own bed?” Margery has gotten up off the floor and it looks as if she’s actually started to take a descent look around Brienne’s messy apartment. If she had the energy, or cared at all, Brienne would feel embarrassed about her unkempt appearance.

“I can’t sleep in that bed, Marg. I just…I can’t…” She can’t even finish the sentence before the tears come again and Margery is hugging her and telling her to just go back to sleep and everything will be alright. Nothing will ever be alright, Brienne thinks as she does as Margery insists, and drifts back to sleep.

The next she wakes up, Margery is talking in hushed whispers with someone in the kitchen, and just from taking in the living room, Brienne can tell she has cleaned up. Brienne lifts herself up from the couch and turns toward to the kitchen to find out who Margery had in there with her. She catches Jaime, his back facing her, and hands waving wildly as his whispers rise louder and Margery’s jaw clenches in obvious disagreement with whatever he is saying. Before she can open her mouth, Margery spots her and smiles happily at her. Jaime catches her look and turns to look at Brienne as well, his own bright smile in place and a greeting on his lips.

“Good morning, well night really. Hungry?” She nods her head at him, rubbing the sleep and crusty tears from her eyes. Jaime chuckles at the loud growl her stomach gives to let everyone know just how hungry she really is. “Why don’t you hop in the shower while Marg and I will get something together?” Brienne nods again and heads through the bedroom to the bathroom, trying to avoid looking at the unmade, abandoned bed in the middle.

~~~

“I still think you being here is a bad idea, Jaime.” Margery doesn’t look up from here she is pouring pasta into boiling water. Her voice is quiet, even though the sound of the shower can still be heard, but it’s hard as steel. He understands her desire for him to keep his feelings in check, but this is ridiculous.

He grabs her upper arm tightly, and turns her around so he can look her in the eye. “And just what do you think I’m going to do, Margery? Maul her? Do you really think so little of me and my friendship with her that-”

“We’re all she has left, Jaime. Do you understand that?” His had drops away from her and he crosses his arms over his chest.

“Of course I know that.”

“Then you should know why it’s so important that you keep yourself in check.” Her eyes soften as she continues, and she places her hand over his exposed right hand and gives it a little squeeze.

“I think you’re a great friend to Brie, Jaime. I don’t think little of you at all, I just think Brienne isn’t as strong and resilient as you like to believe. She needs her friends, Jaime. Just her friends.” Margery turns back to the pots on the stove and starts stirring the sauce and pasta while he mulls over her words.

It doesn’t quite make sense to him. Of course Brienne is strong and resilient, she’s Brienne for fuck’s sake! He’s never known anyone as brave as her. His mind quickly goes down the long list of reasons he’s been in love with her all this time, starting with her brilliant eyes and ending with every freckle he’s ever been able to catch sight of-and even those he’s only ever been able to fantasize about. He feels like he might be sick when he’s finished the list and realizes the truth in Margery’s words.

What if he can’t be what Brienne needs? She is first and foremost his friend. Her need for space to grieve and come to terms with this new chapter in her life is at the top of his priority list, but what if he does let his feelings get in the way? Jaime is paralyzed by the realization that he doesn’t know how to not be in love with Brienne, and in the end that might cost him everything.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still writing "It Comes and Goes," I promise! This new one will also be Jaime and Brienne eventually. However, I couldn't get this out of my head an once I'd written this first part I just wanted to share it right away because I'm so excited about it! I


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